Mothering and Feminism

A Couple of Topics have come up on the Local Mothering boards in the last couple of weeks. One was about feminism and relationships with working outside the home and the other about bad vs good mothers. It seems that both come down to supporting families and mothers. Feminism has given us opportunities to do and say more than we have in the past. Does this make us more critical of eachother and our choices? We do have more choices now but are still limited by the fact that our government, economy and societal norms do not support families or motherhood. Value in your self is still supposed to be gained by your education, job, and the THINGS you own not loving and supportive relationships and family. Even though it may seem like we have more choices, we are limited many outside factors. Being critical of other people and their “choices” does not seem productive for our relationships. There are so many barriers to being the best person/mother/family that have nothing to do with feminism or bad mothering. All I can do is continue to work at being the best at what I do and try to remember that most people are trying to do the best at what they are doing. It is often this inability to open our minds to other people’s situation that causes problems. Close mindedness is not only the inability to not open your mind to other ideas but also the inability to empathize with other people on personal level. I will continue to support the families and mothers in my life with example and loving care in what ever way I can. I will continue to make the best choices I can for my family so that I can continue to grow and learn and be the best Mother possible.

Mindful Parenting

I really liked the information in this Website Linked on side from Joyfully Rejoycing Website.
I don't really think I am the Unschooling type or that my kids are the Unschooling type but these bullets seemed very helpful.
12 Exercises for Mindful Parenting
With these meditative techniques, raising children can be a spiritual practice.
• Try to imagine the world from your child's point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.
• Imagine how you appear and sound from your child's point of view, i.e., having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, and what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?
• Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. See if you can stay mindful of their sovereignty from moment to moment, and work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.
• Be mindful of your expectations of your children and consider whether they are truly in your child's best interest. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.
• Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn't some common ground, where your true needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.
• When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still and meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking, even good thinking, and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what needs to be done. If that is not clear in any moment, maybe the best thing is to not do anything until it becomes clearer. Sometimes it is good to remain silent.
• Try embodying silent presence. This will grow out of both formal and informal mindfulness practice over time if you attend to how you carry yourself and what you project in body, mind, and speech. Listen carefully.
• Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. In Zen and the Art of Archery, Herrigel describes how he was taught to stand at the point of highest tension effortlessly without shooting the arrow. At the right moment, the arrow mysteriously shoots itself. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. Simply bring your full awareness and presence to this moment. Practice seeing that whatever comes up is "workable" if you are willing to trust your intuition. Your child needs you to be a center of balance and trustworthiness, a reliable landmark by which he or she can take a bearing within his or her own landscape. Arrow and target need each other. They will find each other best through wise attention and patience.
• Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing. An apology demonstrates that you have thought about a situation and have come to see it more clearly, or perhaps more from your child's point of view. But be mindful of being "sorry" too often. It loses its meaning if you are always saying it, making regret into a habit. Then it can become a way not to take responsibility for your actions. Cooking in remorse on occasion is a good meditation. Don't shut off the stove until the meal is ready.
• Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.
• There are important times when we need to be clear and strong and unequivocal with children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness, generosity, and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid, domineering, and controlling.
• The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and awareness. This ongoing work can be furthered by making a time for quiet contemplation in whatever ways feel comfortable to us. We only have right now. Let us use it to its best advantage, for our children's sake, and for our own.
•
Mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn is the author of Wherever You Go, There You Are. Myla Kabat-Zinn has worked as a childbirth educator, birthing assistant, and environmental activist. Excerpted from Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. Copyright 1997 by Myla Kabat-Zinn and Jon Kabat-Zinn.

I really haven't absorbed all that is to be learned from these bullets but I will keep trying. So far I really like "embodying silent presence"

Parenting

So had some recent thoughts about being a parent. One reason I really wanted to be a parent is that I like challenges and it is something I viewed as challenge. I have found that I has made my relationship with Brian so much closer, which is not always how many couples experience Parenthood. I love being a parent too because I have learned so many things and improved myself in ways that I would have never done had I not been a parent. I feel that I would have lazily enjoyed Brian and our life without children and missed so many learning opportunities and ways that our relationship has been able to grow and will continue to grow.