Bah Hum Bug

I am sooooo disappointed. Not only have I not lost anything I gained 2 lbs. It probably would have been more had I not been sick the past few days. Now I have to redouble my efforts to lose weight or I'll be buying bigger clothes, not smaller soon.
My 1st job, Mama, has been envading my 3rd job, weight loss. Fortunately, this week my 2nd job has started to slow down a bit and we have an new co-worker to help out. We still need an on-call person.

Personal Goals:
Record intake (no progress yet)
Run 20 min - Just need to drag my butt outta bed
Biking - Keep it up
Healthier Food - this is challenging around the hospital and with Brian doing the majority of the shopping
JUST SAY NO - to all that food around the hospital or only take a small bite

Thanksgiving

Well, these are all the photos I could get Elliott to take on Thanksgiving and my favorite is the one under the table because I think thats where he likes it best when 6 unfamiliar people come to your house and try to talk to you and you just don't know how to respond. 

Kitchen Remodel

Well, the minor kitchen remodel is pretty much complete.  Brian just has to fix a small issue, paint the 1/4 round moulding and add some moulding/baseboard under the cabinets.   I still want concrete counter tops but I told Brian no more remodeling projects till next fall.  We also still need to finish the trim painting on the exterior paint, collect and plant natives in the front yard.  I look forward to posting these pictures when they are complete.  I tried to find some before pictures of the kitchen but I couldn't find them.  Oh well. 

Weigh in WEEK 1

So I'll call today day 1 of weight loss. I've been on hiatus since Brian's surgery but game is back on.

Weight today 168 lb

In 8 weeks, I will lose 6 lbs.

That will be January 7

I will post my daily intake boring, I know, but it helps me.

Depressing

Time to get back on the weight loss wagon again. I have deeply fallen off. I gained about 7 lbs back. It is time to get back on track.
My ultimate goal continues to be 140 lb.
I am currently about 168 lbs.
I continue to ride my bike 18 miles 3-4x/week.
I want to run more. I need to drink more water and less coffee. I need to eat more whole grains and veggies. You know the usual. Oh yeah, less ice cream would be a really good idea too. I will probably post what I am eating daily again to keep myself on track.

I just reviewed my past blog entries and realized that I am where I started less than one year after starting this weight loss blog :() This is very sad news :(

I can, I will, I believe, I can do it again and be better.

Construction Zone

This is what happens when both parents are busy with deconstruction. Macey used Elliott's Pirate facepaint unattended. Cute, huh?

Swap Jewelry

Not part of the package.  There's no clasp.  Let me know if you want it and I will add it to another package.  It is made of bone and on string.














The fan is metal.  It has blue beads on on blue thread.

The fish is rodocrosite (I think).  Anyway it is pink on a cream string with cream and pink beads.

The moon/sun also has a metal coin with green and blue beads on a green string.  

Dragonfly is on brown string with wood beads.

The yoga/budda figure is also an add on to another package if you really want it.  It is on black string with grey and black beads and no clasp.

The earrings are also up for grabs on sterling silver wire.  I will make wires for the ones that don't have any yet.

The metal coin is gold colored with wood, metal and bone beads on a brown string.

The sun is on a blue string with blue beads.

The metal bobble is on a hemp string (cream) string and the big donut is yellow/cream.  The other beads are wood and bone.

All of these are long necklaces.  Email/PM me if you want something for other than the swap to trade or sell.  I have lots of beads but not much time.  If you really want a choker or something, we may be able to work something out. 

New Pictures

So we are all doing great!
I thought I better post some pictures 'cuz I have been absolutely terrible about blogging.  And just in case you thought we are too serious around here.  We have the picture to prove different.   In addition, I case you think we don't bake.  We have proof of Elliott helping with the bread baking.

Mothering and Feminism

A Couple of Topics have come up on the Local Mothering boards in the last couple of weeks. One was about feminism and relationships with working outside the home and the other about bad vs good mothers. It seems that both come down to supporting families and mothers. Feminism has given us opportunities to do and say more than we have in the past. Does this make us more critical of eachother and our choices? We do have more choices now but are still limited by the fact that our government, economy and societal norms do not support families or motherhood. Value in your self is still supposed to be gained by your education, job, and the THINGS you own not loving and supportive relationships and family. Even though it may seem like we have more choices, we are limited many outside factors. Being critical of other people and their “choices” does not seem productive for our relationships. There are so many barriers to being the best person/mother/family that have nothing to do with feminism or bad mothering. All I can do is continue to work at being the best at what I do and try to remember that most people are trying to do the best at what they are doing. It is often this inability to open our minds to other people’s situation that causes problems. Close mindedness is not only the inability to not open your mind to other ideas but also the inability to empathize with other people on personal level. I will continue to support the families and mothers in my life with example and loving care in what ever way I can. I will continue to make the best choices I can for my family so that I can continue to grow and learn and be the best Mother possible.

The Open Heart Surgery Story

Brian had his surgery Thursday 3/4. I said, "See ya later at about 12p." Brian told his surgeon, Dr. Tsen, that he wanted a biologic valve and a bovine if possible. They gave us a pager to tell us when he was out of surgery. My mother in law, Nadine, the kids and I went up to Forest Park to eat lunch and go hiking. Macey fell asleep on the way up there. Elliott and I went hiking. Nadine napped in the car with Macey. The pager is only supposed to work in the hospital but it went off at 2p about an hour after Brian's surgery was suppose to start. Nadine tried to call the volunteers but they wouldn't/couldn't give out any information. We sped down the hill to Good Sam with all kinds of morbid thoughts running through our heads. It turns out that Dr. Tsen just wanted to let us know that he'd started surgery late. Dr. Tsen came to talk to me at about 4p. He said that everything went well and Brian got the bovine valve he wanted but also that his valve was very distorted and he had some other cogential abnormalities like a vena cava on the right. We usually only have one on the left, I think. I went back to see Brian at about 6:30pm. He was still intubated with many, many lines. Nadine didn't really want to see him intubated. I stayed till about 8p. He started thrashing around several times and the nurse assumed that he was in pain and his HR went to 120's so they gave him versed and morphine. I assume this is how it went all night. I'd hoped that he'd be extubated during the night.

Nadine went to work the next day so I wasn't going to be able to visit Brian until the afternoon, since the kids are not allowed in ICU. However, I had a friend watch the kids for a few hours. They extubated Brian at about 9:30a. I saw him at about 11 and was only able to stay for 30 min. He had most of the lines out and more coming out. He said, "I can't," when asked to push his pain button or really do anything including opening his eyes. I was orienting him to the day and time and said, "It's Friday, March, 5." He said, "April." Classic Zoe and Brian. He was in tears by the time I left and they gave him some Toradol (sp?). I came back at about 2:30p. He really wasn't much different except no more tears. The next day I had to work and Nadine had the kids so Brian didn't get much company till I got off work. They were working on transferring him to the floor but were taking forever because I think the RN didn't want to take any APL. Brian was the last person left in the pod. He ate a little chicken noodle soup before he left. He was starting to wake up at this point but by the time he was ready to get in the wheelchair he was suddenly very sleepy. He got up to 4W and immediately passed out.

Sunday I planned a little birthday party for Elliott and Macey and they had fun but my brother never showed. Again poor Brian didn't get much company but at least he was able to talk on the phone better at this point. I finally got over to the hospital late in the afternoon. Brian took a little walk around the unit. I brought some of the food from Mai and an RN friend made, which Brian couldn't eat much of. The next day Brian said they would likely discharge him. I guess they came by at 6:45a and he was really sleepy and were reconsidering discharge. Brian had had several doses of Oxycodone that night. He was doing better by the time I got there, about. We discussed it and he felt like he could go home. He still had an upset stomach and couldn't eat much but was getting tired of regular TV. So we left at about 2p. I went to get the prescription after he got into the car. He was not in pain. They said it would 30 min. However, the PA forgot to put durations on the medications so it took another 40 min.

Later we discovered that they had mixed up the lasix and oxycodone. Fortunately, Brian was not taking much Oxycodone. I had him put his meds in a organizer and blamed his pain medications on the mix-up but it was actually the pharmacy in too much of a hurry. I am glad Brian figured it out pretty quickly. He had a lot of heartburn, nausea, and stomach pain for the next 2-3 days. After a few calls to the doctor and couple of trips to the store for overcounter meds, he started feeling much better and was finally able to eat some food.

He has been able to hang out in the basement and rest most of the day with occasional trips up stairs. He gets pretty short of breath coming up the stairs but recovers quickly. He played with the kids outside Friday and has been spending a little more time upstairs the last couple of days. He has also been a more sore with more chest pain, which I think he thinks is odd because the chest pain really only causes him discomfort when he is trying to sleep. I think he has just over done it a bit in the last couple of days. His incision looks very good, the bruising is way down, and he is eating pretty much normally now. So here we are on the road to recovery.

Easter Pics

Mindful Parenting

I really liked the information in this Website Linked on side from Joyfully Rejoycing Website.
I don't really think I am the Unschooling type or that my kids are the Unschooling type but these bullets seemed very helpful.
12 Exercises for Mindful Parenting
With these meditative techniques, raising children can be a spiritual practice.
• Try to imagine the world from your child's point of view, purposefully letting go of your own. Do this every day for at least a few moments to remind you of who this child is and what he or she faces in the world.
• Imagine how you appear and sound from your child's point of view, i.e., having you as a parent today, in this moment. How might this modify how you carry yourself in your body and in space, how you speak, and what you say? How do you want to relate to your child in this moment?
• Practice seeing your children as perfect just the way they are. See if you can stay mindful of their sovereignty from moment to moment, and work at accepting them as they are when it is hardest for you to do so.
• Be mindful of your expectations of your children and consider whether they are truly in your child's best interest. Also, be aware of how you communicate those expectations and how they affect your children.
• Practice altruism, putting the needs of your children above your own whenever possible. Then see if there isn't some common ground, where your true needs can also be met. You may be surprised at how much overlap is possible, especially if you are patient and strive for balance.
• When you feel lost, or at a loss, remember to stand still and meditate on the whole by bringing your full attention to the situation, to your child, to yourself, to the family. In doing so, you may go beyond thinking, even good thinking, and perceive intuitively, with the whole of your being, what needs to be done. If that is not clear in any moment, maybe the best thing is to not do anything until it becomes clearer. Sometimes it is good to remain silent.
• Try embodying silent presence. This will grow out of both formal and informal mindfulness practice over time if you attend to how you carry yourself and what you project in body, mind, and speech. Listen carefully.
• Learn to live with tension without losing your own balance. In Zen and the Art of Archery, Herrigel describes how he was taught to stand at the point of highest tension effortlessly without shooting the arrow. At the right moment, the arrow mysteriously shoots itself. Practice moving into any moment, however difficult, without trying to change anything and without having to have a particular outcome occur. Simply bring your full awareness and presence to this moment. Practice seeing that whatever comes up is "workable" if you are willing to trust your intuition. Your child needs you to be a center of balance and trustworthiness, a reliable landmark by which he or she can take a bearing within his or her own landscape. Arrow and target need each other. They will find each other best through wise attention and patience.
• Apologize to your child when you have betrayed a trust in even a little way. Apologies are healing. An apology demonstrates that you have thought about a situation and have come to see it more clearly, or perhaps more from your child's point of view. But be mindful of being "sorry" too often. It loses its meaning if you are always saying it, making regret into a habit. Then it can become a way not to take responsibility for your actions. Cooking in remorse on occasion is a good meditation. Don't shut off the stove until the meal is ready.
• Every child is special, and every child has special needs. Each sees in an entirely unique way. Hold an image of each child in your heart. Drink in their being, wishing them well.
• There are important times when we need to be clear and strong and unequivocal with children. Let this come as much as possible out of awareness, generosity, and discernment, rather than out of fear, self-righteousness, or the desire to control. Mindful parenting does not mean being overindulgent, neglectful, or weak; nor does it mean being rigid, domineering, and controlling.
• The greatest gift you can give your child is your self. This means that part of your work as a parent is to keep growing in self-knowledge and awareness. This ongoing work can be furthered by making a time for quiet contemplation in whatever ways feel comfortable to us. We only have right now. Let us use it to its best advantage, for our children's sake, and for our own.
•
Mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn is the author of Wherever You Go, There You Are. Myla Kabat-Zinn has worked as a childbirth educator, birthing assistant, and environmental activist. Excerpted from Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. Copyright 1997 by Myla Kabat-Zinn and Jon Kabat-Zinn.

I really haven't absorbed all that is to be learned from these bullets but I will keep trying. So far I really like "embodying silent presence"

Valve Replacement

On April 3rd at 11a Brian will be heading to the Hospital for open heart surgery to have his defective Aortic valve replaced. We had a good long talk with the surgeon today. It seems he feels that the surgery is not urgent but this is a good time to get it done. He is not likely to put it off for that much longer anyway. He will not be able to lift anything over 10 lbs for 8 weeks. Wow, that is a long time. The kids are going to have big adjustment with this. He also won't be able to drive for 4 weeks. He will probably be in the hospital for 3-5 days. I hope closer to the 3 days. He is also going to have an oblation to eliminate his A-fib. The whole surgery is going to take 4 hours. This is just a little crazy. He is worried but glad to a least have a date now and know for sure what is going to happen. Brian has decided with a little encouragement from me to go with the biologic heart valve. He could get a mechanical valve that would like last forever but he would need anticoagulants forever too and the risk of stroke or excessive bleeding is 1-2 percent a year. He does not have to worry about the biologic valve for about 15 years may be more. Also the surgeon did not seem too worried about doing another surgery down the line. He could still change to a mechanical valve at that time.

So I did weigh-in today. Yea!!!! 160 lbs. I get to use my Starbucks Gift cards this weekend. Ok, 150 and 140 here I come. I need to get running this week. I need to look at my 150 reward. I forgot what it is.

Wednesday Weigh in

So Brian still has 5 days before his appointment with the Cardiothoracic surgeon. I think he has realized that having the surgery soon rather than later will be beneficial. There are too many risk factors with delaying the surgery. He is nervous but doing ok. The kids were sick the first part of the week and then gave it to me. I had to work because I don't want to lose any time off with Brian likely needing surgery soon. Macey had her eyes checked because I wanted to make sure that she doesn't have any lazy eye or serious problems with that droopy eyelid. The doctor said she has a "prescription" but her eyes are working well together and wants to check her in another year.

So I weighed in at 161 lbs. I have been too busy to post but my mantra all week has been 2 lbs 'cause thats my goal to use my Starbucks gift cards. I want to go buy some cups. I think, I can lose that other lb this week but I had been eating like crazy for about 2 weeks before my period. I was so hungry and wanted to eat everything in sight. Thankfully, thats over but I still get really hungry in the evening when I get home and end up eating too much. My ultimate goal is still 140 lbs and thats a long way off at this rate.

Yard and Kid Pictures

Killing grass. We put down cardboard and woodchips. We can't plant anything in the ground for at least 6 months but I am going to put in raised bed for some garden veggies very soon, which should be ok.

Just like a cat: empty drawer, box, basket must be made for climbing into.

The kids wanted to try out my old halloween wig for fun.

Macey had just gotten out of the bath, but I guess she wasn't done since she hopped back in with her shirt on.

Elliott accidently hung himself on his pants but did it again for drama and attention a few minutes later.